So here we are, almost three and a half years since my last post to this blog. That last post was also only the second post on this blog. That would definitely qualify as "forgotten".
I have decided to try to pick up again for a couple of reasons. I am still dealing with all of the issues I had outlined in the first post in which I detailed my goals for this space. Over the last few years, I have made regrettably irregular progress on all those fronts. Here is that original list, with my current status inserted under each:
- persistent back problems
- this is the most significant issue; explanation following.
- carpal tunnel syndrome
- actually better on this bit; I have a standing desk at work, and have taken measures to ensure it's not gotten worse, and is usually better / manageable.
- excessive weight
- not doing so great here, due in large part to the back problems. Currently sitting at 210 lbs on the button. At least some portion of this weight increase is due to having started weight training again. I've been making somewhat regular use of our exercise facilities at the office, and have noticed decent progress in my overall strength and tone. However, I do indeed carry far too much excess weight around the middle. I've also been somewhat limited in how much training I could really do, because of the back problems.
- see above. Still needs work in several ares, most notably overall back strength and tone.
- still fighting the everlasting fight. It comes in fits and starts. I've made some decent progress on some of my writing projects, but in a sporadic pattern. I still need to work out some actual regularity and start finishing those projects.
- stress / depression
- making some actual, real progress on this front. Several months ago, I had started regular meetings with an old mentor / friend to try to start addressing some of the long standing issues I've carried.
- In the last few weeks, I have also started seeing an actual therapist on the advice of our family doctor. I had asked for some kind of diagnosis or at least thoughts on "my depression", and based on our conversation he referred me, insisting that he wasn't comfortable making a determination himself. Awesome.
So that's a high-level recap of where I'm at. Referring again to my back problems, which I indicated above are the most significant issue lately, there is progress and new hope in this area.
First, some background on the whole thing... It all started back in nought five whilst I was away at college. I had started a work out routine to "get back into shape", a not altogether shameful goal to be sure. Well, one evening during a workout, I had made the terribly stupid, rookie mistake of not wearing a support belt during some back exercises. During one rep, I felt a 'pop' in my low back. It didn't hurt in the classic sense, but felt "weird" more than anything. I took it easy for a couple of weeks and let it recover. I felt ok for a long time, but over the several years since that initial incident, it has steadily grown worse.
It finally came to a head two years ago in the early spring. One morning as I was drying off from a shower I stretched out my arm to put my towel down on the sink. My back had been sore and rather tentative in respect to much movement and as I reached out to drop the towel, I felt a gritty, angry, and intense pop, much more intense than the original incident several years prior. It was audible this time too; sounded just as terrible as you would expect it to. As soon as this eruption registered to the rest of my body, I instantly, involuntarily fell to the floor in excruciating pain. I was unable to stand, and a white-hot, blistering pain spread from my low spine throughout my entire back, down my legs, and made it nearly impossible to think. I somehow managed to crawl into the bedroom and up onto the bed to try to stretch it out, but I could not find a position of any relief. Krista helped me work my way downstairs to try to get to the couch to lay with a heating pad while we decided what to do. However, when I got to the bottom of the steps, which according to Krista had taken almost an hour of backing down on my knees, I could not force myself to go any further. It just hurt too much. She ended up calling the neighbors, and eventually I got assistance (was carried) onto the couch. People have asked me what my "bad back days" feel like, and I always find it hard to describe or relate the type and intensity of the pain. I've heard certain types of pain be compared to child birth, for instance. I don't make that assertion myself, but I've heard it used before. Anyway, I don't think I could ever overstate or over-dramatize the intensity of the pain in that moment. I literally (yes, "literally") could not force myself to stand, could not take a full breath, had tears streaming down my face, and basically wished a train would run me over at any moment to ease the suffering. It was truly that bad. They say that memories of specific moments tend to be stronger when tied to intense feelings. I remember that day quite vividly. Hah.
I ended up in the hospital for several days, had consultations with pain management people and an orthopaedic surgeon. I went through six weeks of physical therapy to get back to a minimally functional state, roughly 80% of pre-incident function. All things considered, this wasn't too bad.
Fast forward two years. The condition of my back had steadily declined, despite my best efforts to assuage the degradation via exercises and stretching. I had another consultation with the same surgeon who'd seen me initially in hospital and a few times since then. He reviewed the latest MRI that he'd requested, and said that the disk was basically gone, almost bone-on-bone. For a spinal joint, that's bad, mmmkay? He also indicated that since it was only the one disk, others next to it appearing completely healthy, surgery would likely be a good solution. Had other disks in the area been showing signs of degradation, surgery would be much more risky, since there's far less guarantee of where the actual problem is. Being only one bad disk, it's much more likely that it of course is the problem.
So this past Thursday, I underwent what is known as an L4-L5 Lumbar Fusion. Short version: remove old, crusty disk material; insert spacer with added marrow to reclaim the gap between the vertebrae; implant screws and plates to immobilize the joint; sew it all back up; don't move much for several weeks. The goal here is to use the spacer/marrow combination to recreate the space between the vertebrae while at the same time initializing a growth process that will eventually fuse the two bones together, making a rigid joint around the spacer. The screws and plates are to keep everything stable while this process (which can take anywhere from six months to a year) completes.
I am now home on medical leave, spending my time laying down, or slowly walking around to try to maintain my limited range of motion. The first few weeks are the most tenuous and require the utmost attention to not over-doing it in terms of stressing the new installation. Roughly six weeks out, I can start introducing mild activities, and increase from there based on consultations with my doctor. He had indicated before surgery that he was confident I'd be restored to full function after the procedure, strictly based on a couple things: the nature of my injury (just one disk, presented symptoms, etc) and my overall general condition. With that prognosis, we (Krista and I) opted to go for it.
So here I lie, on the cusp of a new season. I am quite hopeful, if not a bit impatient, for what may be ahead.